Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
