The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
