Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
