I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
