I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Mom said you looked used
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
