Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
