Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
