Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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