The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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