Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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