She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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