So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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