So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
