I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
