who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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