i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
