Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before