GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.