He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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