Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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