Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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