Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
