but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
