Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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