Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
