Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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