I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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