my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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