I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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