just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
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Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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