Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's never too late to be topless.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
