and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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