Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
