Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
