Christians are straight up FREAKS
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
