Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
