Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
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I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
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So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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