The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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