How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Terrible idea I love it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
