I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
