i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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