thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
