wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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