I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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