pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
