U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
