you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
