i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
