so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
