He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm gonna have a badass scar
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
someone owes me an orgasm
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
