I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
