I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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