This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
