Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
