GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
