Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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