Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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