I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
