i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
In America we eat man semen.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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