Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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