and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
