she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
