I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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