WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Im part way to drunk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
