they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
