Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
