Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
