I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
