I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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