im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
