Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it's great music for shaving your balls
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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