he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
