He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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