I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
