Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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