Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Four minutes until I can fart!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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