he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
