I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
