You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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