Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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