I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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