My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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