he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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